Financial incompatibility is one of the most dangerous threats to a relationship and it’s particularly potent when money is tight.

It’s hard enough to control the family finances when a couple is on the same page and flush with money, but it can be a nightmare when things are tight and you don’t agree.

A segment on Sunrise last week created an enormous response from viewers about a woman in the UK who was married to what appeared to be the world’s greatest scrooge. He wouldn’t even pay for heating or pasta because it was too expensive.

We received hundreds of emails from viewers explaining similar financial friction with their partner.

The bottom line is couples must work towards team finances, because there is a lot to be gained and enormous long-term benefits. Both partners have to be aware of the consequences and support each other.

If that’s not happening in your relationship now, start making the changes before the stress builds to breaking to point.

Just as you would in a small business, it’s best to have a business or strategic plan that you review along the way, particularly with regard to where the business partners have various responsibilities. Relationships are similar. Have a common vision of where you are going with your money and what your goals are… whether it’s to travel, pay down the mortgage or get on top of the credit card.

If you are the person in the relationship with the knowledge and primary responsibility to manage the money you may need to motivate your partner to become better informed and more disciplined.

There are obviously going to be problems if a penny-pincher is living with a credit bingeing shopaholic. But likewise, if a couple of spendthrifts get together they might walk hand in hand into bankruptcy.

If these issues aren’t sorted out there can also be unforseen, long-term consequences.

Psychologists say the way we view money is largely determined by the way we were brought up. For example, some people come from families in which love and appreciation is shown by buying gifts, while others only buy the necessities and see too much gift-giving as frivolous and materialistic.

Given that’s it’s a known fact that opposites attract, it’s possible you’ve come from very different backgrounds. While all the other things in the relationship may be working, it is actually quite rare for a couple to come together with exactly the same attitudes to money and spending. Usually one partner is more likely to be more constrained in their spending and the other more spontaneous.

It’s all about talking and planning together. People’s values can be so totally different that without a structured financial plan for the relationship it will flounder at the first sign of financial stress over spending and saving differences.

A lot of couples just meander through their finances, a bit of a budget here, a quick discussion on who’s going to pay the mortgage this week, an expensive holiday because “I’ve just got to do a safari before I die”, and all of a sudden the credit cards and overdrafts are at their limit.

Start getting on the same financial page by understanding each others values and the goals you’ve set yourself to fulfil those values.

Values are the principles, standards, morals and ideals that we live by. Values come first, and we then equate them to our goals.

So sit down with your partner and share each others values.

As an example ‘Values’ can be our need for security, health, happiness, how to provide for loved ones … the list is endless.

Take these values and add goals from each of you.

Value                                                Wife’s Goals                                    Husband’s Goals

Security                                    another degree                                    mortgage repayment

Health                                                going to the gym                         eating well

Happiness                                    night together at home            plasma TV

As you can see the definition of the value ‘security’ can have a different goal for everyone. Also as each year goes by our goals will change although our values may not. Again, your financial life should constantly change to reflect the different goals of different stages of life.

None are more correct than the other they are just different.

The aim is agree on similar financial goals that satisfy your values. Commit to do one thing today to help you reach that goal.

So sit down with your partner and;

. Find one value.

. What goal do you want to achieve that feels right for your value?

. What is one step you can do today to start towards your goal?

You are now working towards your shared goals. If you are not saving enough then one or more of these goals will have to be compromised.

This is just the start. Keep adding more shared goals and coming up with a shared financial action plan to achieve them where you both have a sense of ownership.

It’s much easier to change your financial habits if you have a goal to achieve.